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September 2008

• RELATIONSHIP WITH LAY LEADERS - Results
• LIFE'S BALANCING ACT - Short Story
• THE PERFECT SHIVA CALL - 'Practically Rabbinic'
• HIGH HOLY DAYS ANXIETY? - Forum Questions
• JEWISH "WISDOM" FROM CHRISTIAN SOURCES - Market Place
• BREAK IT TO ME GENTLY - Humor
• SUCCESS - Quotes

As the New Year rapidly approaches, anxieties are running a bit higher, especially coming off of a hopefully laid back, relaxing and enjoyable summer.

This quarter's forum questions delve a bit into your "normal" level of stress and anxiety compared to the demands of this season. With school starting, B'nai Mitzvah's back in full force and of course, the High Holy Days around the corner, it is very natural to be feeling more pressure this time of year. By sharing some best practices, processes or ideas with one another, hopefully this time next year can be an even better managed season. See below to click into our quarterly survey to answer 3 timely questions!

This quarter, we are excited to introduce a new column in The Advantage, "Practically Rabbinic", written by Rabbi David J. Meyer. As its title indicates, this column will be dedicated to providing some helpful advice and possibly new ways of managing within the necessary expectations of your role as a Rabbi.

Let's review the past Forum results, on the topic of 'Relations with Lay Leaders'.

• 100% of you felt it was either important or extremely important to have strong relations with your lay leaders.
• However, only 41.7% of respondents are very satisfied with the current level of relations with lay leaders
• 33% are dissatisfied with the current level of relations with lay leaders
• 16.7% are satisfied with the current level of relations with lay leaders
• 8.3% are neutral

Some best practices being used to create and maintain strong relations with lay leaders are:

• Keep communications open and frequent - meet regularly for lunch
• Reinforce with others that the most fundamental aspect of temple leadership is the partnership between lay leaders and professional staff
• Bring in outside facilitators for leadership workshops
• Collaborate to create an atmosphere and perspective of shared responsibility and accountability for the life of the congregation
• Listen and take their reality seriously
• Never react defensively - try not to spring any surprises on the lay leaders and encourage them to treat me the same. We then have the chance to work on issues and not play 'gottcha'!

By Rabbi Thomas Louchheim
Excerpt from his upcoming new book

Two hundred years ago in Poland, an acrobat came to the shtetl of Krasny and announced that he would cross the river on a rope stretched from bank to bank. Rabbi Chayyim Krasner, a student of the Baal Shem Tov, stood by and watched the performance. His friends noticed him watching intently and apparently in deep thought. They said to him, "Rabbi, what do you see that is so fascinating?"

The rabbi answered, "I was thinking of the acrobat's readiness to submit his life to danger. You may say that he goes out on that slender cord for the money which an admiring crowd will shower upon him. But this is certainly not true. For if he thought about this, he would surely fall. His entire thinking must be concentrated upon one idea only, namely to maintain his balance, to prevent his body from inclining a hair's breadth to one side or the other. In this fashion we must cross over the narrow cord of life."

This is the challenge. Your lives are a delicate balancing act. As you move forward slowly, some of you struggle to keep upright. For others, life seems not to be a struggle at all. Effortlessly, with few concerns, you walk across that rope as if it were a six-lane highway; and it may well be for you -- for now. For others, you are distracted by your motivation, satisfying the desires of others, worrying about how your family or business associates will benefit from your actions, instead of doing the deed with passion and commitment. Do the deed with a full heart. If you cross easily, make it more challenging for greater success next time; but never think of what you will get in return while you are making your crossing.

By Rabbi David J. Meyer
An Advice Column for Folks in the Field

It's both a reality and a professional hazard of the rabbinate that so much of our important, interpersonal moments are shared with food all around us. We might just as well announce, "Our ceremony officially continues with eating" following the wishes of "mazal tov" after so many life-cycle and communal events. (OK, sometimes I do say that, and it's always good for a laugh. Try it yourself, and let me know...)

Likewise it's the case when it comes to making the expected shiva visit, whether or not you'll be leading a minyan service. So much food and a certain amount of time...

So here's my strategy:
When I make a shiva call, I generally (ok, ALWAYS) have a cup of coffee, and ONLY a cup of coffee. (If you'd prefer to substitute "TEA" or "SODA" -- b'vakasha) And here's why:

First, the cup of coffee gives you something to hold onto while meeting and greeting the folks there, which is more natural and more comfortable generally in a gathering than walking around (or standing) empty-handed;

Second, it shows that you are partaking (in good form) as a guest of the family and in their home, of the "repast" they have prepared and offered;

Third: Look, Ma - no calories!! (Unless you really have to add cream &/or sugar, but even then, you're ahead of the game...)

Finally: the amount of time it takes to drink the coffee is pretty much in-sync with the amount of time you need to (or should) be there - not counting the time of the minyan service, if that's coming into play.

PRACTICALLY RABBINIC: When I go to a shiva house, I ALWAYS, but ONLY have one (1) cup of coffee. And that's just about right for the occasion.

FYI - I take mine black.

Chazak, Chazak,
David

(David J. Meyer was ordained in 1986 from HUC-JIR, and has served for the past sixteen years as Senior Rabbi of Temple Emanu-El in Marblehead, MA. He likes coffee.)

This quarters' forum focuses on your level of satisfaction with how you manage your time normally and during High Holy Days. Please click on the link below, and take a moment to answer 3 simple questions: Click Here

Also, be sure to check back in the next Advantage Newsletter to see how your colleagues responded.

Rabbi Edwin C. Goldberg
Temple Judea, Coral Gables, Florida

I read many Jewish publications regularly, but I also subscribe to the Christian Century, Martin Marty's Context, Homiletics, and the Alban Institute's weekly newsletter. I find that many of the issues faced by a congregational rabbi are also relevant to Christian pastors and vice versa. Two very popular books by Christian pastors are also worth reading:

The Purpose Driven Life by RICK WARREN

Your Best Life Now by JOEL OSTEEN

It is easy to avoid such books because they are so popular. (I used to think that the most popular kids in high school must be the shallowest but that was also not always the case.) Rick Warren's book is useful because he built a community from scratch with amazing insights beyond the Christian perspective. An example: he teaches that we cannot create people's wants; but we can discover what they want (or need) and address them. The image he presents is of the surfer. The surfer can do everything except create the wave. A good community leader (pastor) is clever enough to find the right wave to ride.

Joel Osteen is wonderful as a therapeutic resource. For instance, he wisely points out that our bad habits cannot be unlearned. But they can be replaced by good habits. There is a High Holy Day sermon there somewhere! Obviously, the Christological elements do not translate for the Jewish reader, but make no mistake, popular books by successful pastors should not be ignored by congregational rabbis just because they are not Jewish and just because they are popular.

Attention: Have you published a book recently or would like to tell us about an upcoming book? What is your favorite book and why? How has it impacted your life? This is the place to share it! We anxiously await your contributions!

A travelling salesman really loved his cat Puff. While on the road, he called home.

"How's Puff?" he asked his wife.

"Puff is dead," said his wife.

The man broke down. "How could you be so insensitive?" he sobbed to his wife. "Couldn't you have somehow prepared me for Puff s death?"

"How?" asked his wife.

"You could first have told me Puff was up on the roof, he couldn't get down, he fell off and hurt himself. "Then a week later, you could have told me Puff wasn't doing so well. And a week later, told me the veterinarian had to put the cat down."

A week later, the salesman called his wife. "How are things?" he asked.

Replied his wife: "Your mother's on the roof and I can't get her down.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."
Albert Schweitzer

"If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut."
Albert Einstein

"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
Winston Churchill

"Success is more a function of consistent common sense than it is of genius."
An Wang

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed."
Booker T. Washington

"The Lord gave us two ends -- one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most."
Ann Landers

"The victory of success is half won when one gains the habit of setting goals and achieving them. Even the most tedious chore will become endurable as you parade through each day convinced that every task, no matter how menial or boring, brings you closer to fulfilling your dreams."
Og Mandino

All submissions that support any of the items above are welcome for possible publishing in any future newsletter.

Natalie Hyatt can be reached at nhyatt@leadinggrowth.com or 224.715.2091